MD80: Steamboat Ricky and Grand Mystique vs Alex Bowen and Mister Alhazred

Missy is waiting at the end of the drive way for him. She's wearing black skinny jeans and a pink T-shirt with Alhazred's face on it and the catch phrase "Powerglove to the People" underneath it. Her short blonde hair is in pig tails. She slaps the hood of the black hatchback she's leaning against.

Missy: So since we destroyed your van a few weeks ago and we got that PPV check in today, I decided we needed some new wheels and picked up this bad boy.

Alhazred in a dry, unimpressed tone: It's a Honda Civic.

Missy: Sure is!

Alhazred: And it's a hatchback.

Missy: Yep!

Alhazred: How much did I make from the PPV? I know I lost but I should have been able to afford something better than a 96 Honda Civic Hatchback.

Missy: If somebody didn't spend all of his money on "secret projects", booze, and video games maybe he could have afforded a nicer car.

Alhazred gets in Missy's face and stares directly in her eyes.

Alhazred: You telling people about my secret projects? I'll cut a bitch if you is.

Missy: I didn't tell anyone, I don't even know what they are.

Alhazred shrugs and goes towards the driver's side. Missy jumps in front of him.

Missy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...whoa! You are not driving, I don't want to die today okay?

Alhazred glares at her and goes in the passenger side door. Missy smiles and gets in the car as well. She starts the car.

Missy: It’s so weird driving a car that doesn’t take 20 minutes to start isn’t it?

Alhazred turns away as they drive off.

Alhazred: I still don’t know why you signed me up for this. I haven’t talked to Bowen since Ty kicked my teeth in and even when we were in the Apostles together we were hardly friends.

Missy: I just think that you should get to know your teammate a little bit, strategize and maybe have a little fun. At least you’re finally out of the house. Besides you love to drink.

Alhazred: I love to drink alone and wallow in my own sorrows, thank you. I don’t need someone else around, it’ll just be awkward.

Missy: You’re just grumpy because you lost your match. You gotta get it over it girlfriend. Sure it was a huge match, I mean a really, really, really big, enormous match that would have done wonders for your career and people would have talked about the win for years to come; but ummumm

Missy shrugs.

Missy: You can’t win them all! And you looked good out there, you held your own and still looked strong to me.

Alhazred: You don’t get it, I needed that win for so many reasons and I failed. It was my revenge on S.H.I.T. for raping the friendship and memories we had, on Barbosa for taking my spotlight, and on the world as whole for not giving me the respect I deserve and have earned. But it all slipped away with a count to three.

Missy: Get over yourself, man. Are you always such a little baby after a loss? “I didn’t win and I’m a loser and blah blah blah I hate myself.” You’re emo, dude.

Alhazred: I’m not emo, I never said I was going to hurt myself. You’re calling me emo when you’re wearing those skinny jeans? When do you ever wear skinny jeans? What are you trying to impress a drunken imbecile at the bar we’re going to or are you sweet on Bowen? Not everyone can be happy and bubble all the time Missy, some people have anger and fears and hatred that are uncontrollable and bring them down to their knees. I’m one of those people, I get down on myself but I always pick myself back up. So just stop trying to lecture me on how to live my life, shut up, and drive.

Missy: Cheese and rice, I was just trying to cheer you up and give you some encouragement.

Alhazred: I don’t need cheering up, I don’t need encouragement, and I don’t need YOU. You haven’t helped at all since I’ve met you.

Missy gets pissed off and raises her voice.

Missy: Oh you don’t need me huh? You don’t need anyone do you? You’re Mister Alhazred the man who has been in WZCW for almost 2 years and has done absolutely nothing but make himself look like an idiot. I’m here because my father loved you and did everything he could to make you better in every aspect of life. I saw you were down and I thought you needed a friend, but what you really need is a dose of reality. You’re full of crap, all this nonsense you say every week about how you’re Powerglove will bring you glory and how you’ll destroy your opponents, and you never do anything, EVER! You know what? I’m done, I’m done trying to help you, I’ll bring you to the bar but after that you will never see me again. You can finally “wallow in your own sorrow” all alone like you say you wanted to do. But maybe the reason all of your friends and allies betrayed or left you is because you are a piece of crap that doesn’t care about anyone but himself and his stupid Powerglove that I don’t even think does anything!

Alhazred: If that’s how you want it, then fine, we’re done.

Missy: Fine.

Alhazred: Fine.

Missy: Fine.

Alhazred: Fine.

The car pulls up to a bar called the Salty Spittoon. Alhazred gets out of the car and slams the door. As soon as he does Missy speeds away. Alhazred stops and stares in the distance before shaking his head and heading into the bar. He walks inside and looks around. It’s an old crusty bar that you wouldn’t even notice if you walk by. The walls are all black and there are only two booths, a couple tables and the bar itself. In one of the booth two young college students share a table with some of their women friends, they look to be football players as their wearing letter man jackets. They point and laugh at Alhazred when he walks in and he gives them the death stare. An older man who looks to be in his 60’s or 70’s is sitting with his wife whose about the same age at one of the tables, they’re sharing a pitcher of beer and eating a plate of haddock and fries peacefully. At the bar sits only two men, an old, grizzly drunk who’s clothes are unwashed and carry the smell of a man whose lived a long and hard life. He nods at Alhazred as he walks by. The other man is Alex Bowen, the King of Mayhem himself. He’s sitting alone with a glass of beer and eating some bar nuts. He’s wearing a leather jacket and jeans that are worn and cut from the many wars he’s been in. He turns around at Alhazred and smiles, it’s not a happy to see you smile or a friendly smile, but an untrustworthy smile that attempts to cover up the disliking he knows they both have for each other. He doesn't get up but he sticks out his hand for Alhazred. Alhazred shakes it.

Alhazred: Sup, negro. Your face is looking as ugly as ever.

Bowen: And you’re looking as scrawny and nerdy as ever. Pull up a chair and let’s get this over with.

Alhazred pulls up a stool beside him and orders a Heineken.

Bowen: So where’s your little girlfriend, isn't she the one that set this up?

Alhazred: She’s not coming.

Bowen: A little trouble in paradise?

Alhazred: Something like that.

They both sip their beers in an awkward silence for a few minutes. Bowen clears his throat and breaks it.

Bowen: Alright this is horse shit, there’s no point in this. What are we doing this week? We don’t like each other but we know each other well enough. I know you have nothing in this fight really, but I have a lot at stake. I’ve fought both men before so I know more about them than you do. But you’re supposed to be a genius so what’s the plan?

Alhazred: Well my plan is fairly simple. We kicked their teeth in and don’t stop until their mouths are caved in. All four of us are far from your everyday wrestlers and we are all unpredictable. We all know how to scheme and plot and work a match to our own advantage using any methods necessary. There’s no real point in strategizing, this is going to be a fight. You obviously have beef with both Ricky and Mystique and are looking to get revenge or whatever. I have no history with either man really but I do have a lot of pent up anger and frustration that I’m looking to unleash. Plus a win over two of the best in the business is something I need after Apocalypse.

Bowen: So beating the crap out of them? That’s you’re strategy?

Alhazred: Yep.

Bowen chugs the rest of his beer.

Bowen: Simple and to the point, works for me. Hey, another round for both of us.

Alhazred chugs his beer and the bar tender brings glasses for both of them. Alhazred raises his glass.

Alhazred: To two guys who don’t like each other but work well together andare gonna crush some heads in come Meltdown!

Bowen: Cheers!

They bang their glasses together and down their beers and call for more.

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The night has dragged on and both men are visibly drunk, dozens of glasses of beer surround their area.

Alhazred: Hey, man can I break this stool over your back? That would be so cool, man. Just break it. Would you even feel it?

Bowen: Nah, bro you can’t do that. It’s gonna hurt and I don’t wanna do it. Don’t do it.

Alhazred: Come on.

Bowen: No.

Alhazred: Come ooooonnnnn.

Bowen: No.

Alhazred slaps Bowen on the shoulder.

Alhazred: Coooooooommmmmeeeeee onnnnnnnnnnn.

Bowen: No.

Alhazred: Pfft, whatever, pussy.

Bowen turns his head and stares at Alhazred. He pushes Alhazred and he falls off his stool and onto the floor. Bowen goes back to his beer and laughs as he sips. Alhazred stumbles to his feet and grabs onto the bar to stand up. He grabs his stool and swings it against the back of Bowen, breaking it into pieces. Bowen’s face falls forward and hits the bar but he doesn’t fall. He gets up slowly and stumbles; he charges at Alhazred with his own stool and smashes it over his head. Alhazred falls to the floor and crawls around holding his head. Bowen goes for another drink of his beer but Alhazred gets up, grabs one of his glasses and breaks it over the back of Bowen’s head. Everyone in the bar is standing and staring in fear and awe. Bowen goes for his glass but the bartender grabs his arm.

Bartender: That’s enough boys, I appreciate a little fun in my bar but you’ve done enough damage. I hope you brought your check books because you’ll be paying for the damages.

Alhazred: I’m not paying for shit!

Bowen: I’m not paying for it; you’re the one that started it.

Alhazred: Yeah but it wouldn't have escamalated this far if you just let me do it when I asked ya jerk. Plus you make more money than me.

Bowen: Well you invited me to this, so you’re paying for it.

Alhazred: I didn't invite you, Missy did. So you’re paying for it.

Bowen: Well she’s your manager and speaks for you. So you’re paying for it.

Alhazred: She’s not my manager anymore and she invited you without asking me. So you pay for it.

Bowen: You know what? I’m just going to leave because I’ve had enough of this.

Bowen heads for the door. Alhazred stands for a moment and then realizes what Bowen’s up to. He runs and grabs his arm.

Alhazred: I know what you’re trying to pull Bowen or should I say Boummm.BowBow-douche! You’re trying to leave so you don’t have to pay for it. Well that’s not gonna fly Marty.

Bowen shakes Alhazred’s arm off of him.

Bowen: Get yer hands off of me! I ain’t pulling nothing of the sort, I’m just trying to leave so I don’t kick your ass. And my name’s not Marty!

Alhazred: Whoooooah, hold on there a tincy, wincy, god damn minute. You ain’t the one that’ll be kicking my ass, I’d be the one kicking my ass! And I know your name’s not Marty, but I said it’s not going to fly in reference to Back to the Future, the guy’s name is Marty McFly, dummy! If you wanna throw hands, I’ll throw hands!

Alhazred rolls down the sleeves he doesn’t have and takes a watch off his wrist that isn’t there.

Bowen: If you wanna fight, I’ll fight. I love Back to the Future but I ain’t gonna take no threats from someone like YOU! I’ll win because I am the Mayhem of the King!

Alhazred: More like the Princess of MayHER!

Bowen: That’s it you’re going down Al-my ass will be-red after Bowen kicks it so hard!

Alhazred: How dare you disgrace my name! You’ll pay with blood!

They charge at each other and cock back punches. The old woman grabs Alhazred’s arm and the old man grabs Bowen’s.

Old Lady: Now listen here young fellas, my husband came here tonight to enjoy some drinks and some haddock. We didn’t come here to see two fools fighting over nothing! Now both of you act like gentleman, split the bill and go on your way.

Alhazred: You’re right mam; we’re acting like a bunch of frat boys.

College kid: Hey! You got a problem with frat boys?

Alhazred: Shut your mouth you insignificant little cockroach before I

Alhazred turns around and pukes in the old woman’s face. Everyone in the bar goes silent and stares at the old woman, whose face is now dripping with Alhazred’s green and brown vomit. Bowen grabs a napkin and runs over to the woman.

Bowen: I’m sorry mam; my friend here has no manners what so ev-BLAAAAHHHH!!

Bowen spews his own vomit into the woman’s face. The woman screams in terror and the college kids stand up and head for Bowen and Alhazred.

College kid: That’s it, you guys are going to pay for that.

Alhazred: Bring it on dick!

Alhazred and Bowen charge at the kids but they both trip on something and fall through a table. They get to their knees but pass out before they get to their feet. The bartender walks over to them and shakes his head.

Bartender: Drag these guys' carcasses out of my bar.

The college kids grab Bowen and Alhazred by the feet and drag them towards the door as the scene fades.

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Alhazred jolts up out of his bed and looks around. He’s only wearing a stained brown pair of underwear and a post it on his face.

Alhazred: What the hell happened last night? My head is pounding. I gotta call Bowen and see what’s up. What the hell is on my forehead?

Alhazred takes the note off of his head and reads it aloud.

“We have taken her”

Alhazred looks around and back at the note.

Alhazred: Shit

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